How are you showing up today?
Try a guided exercise
Interactive tools for right-now moments
Reference
Skills for hard conversations — tap the (?) for why each one works
STOP
When emotions are high and you're about to react, STOP first.
- Stop — Pause. Don't act on impulse.
- Take a step back — Breathe. Remove yourself mentally or physically.
- Observe — What's happening inside you? What are the facts?
- Proceed mindfully — Choose your next action with intention, not reaction.
Why this works
DEAR MAN
For asking for what you need while keeping the relationship intact.
- Describe — State the facts of the situation. No judgment.
- Express — Share how you feel using "I" statements.
- Assert — Ask clearly for what you need.
- Reinforce — Explain why this matters / the positive outcome.
- Mindful — Stay on topic. Don't get pulled into side arguments.
- Appear confident — Even if you're nervous, stand in your ask.
- Negotiate — Be willing to give to get. Find the middle.
Why this works
GIVE
For keeping the relationship strong, even in conflict.
- Gentle — No attacks, threats, or judgments. Respect their dignity.
- Interested — Listen. Ask questions. Show you care about their side.
- Validate — Acknowledge their feelings and perspective, even if you disagree.
- Easy manner — Use humor where appropriate. Keep it light when you can.
Why this works
CBT Thought Check
Challenge distorted thinking patterns before they drive your behavior.
- Identify the thought — What exactly am I thinking?
- Name the distortion — Am I catastrophizing? Mind-reading? All-or-nothing thinking?
- Evidence for — What facts support this thought?
- Evidence against — What facts contradict it?
- Reframe — What's a more balanced way to see this?
Common distortions:
All-or-nothing Catastrophizing Mind reading Emotional reasoning Should statements Personalization OvergeneralizationWhy this works
Repair Attempts
Small bids to de-escalate and reconnect during or after conflict. The repair doesn't have to be perfect — it just has to be genuine.
"I can see I hurt you. That wasn't my intent."
"My part in this was..."
"Can we take a break and come back to this?"
"I know this is hard. Thank you for talking about it."
"We both want the same thing here..."
Not to dismiss — to soften. A genuine smile goes a long way.
Why this works
Your Journey
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